The Heart Rollercoaster

We just got back from another visit with Logan’s Cardiologist. Now all I want to do is crash and sleep. I have had so much anxiety leading up to this appointment that I feel like I haven’t slept in days. With how the last appointment went I was expecting them to schedule his next surgery today, but we are back to the, “Let’s just watch him again for the next month and see how he does.” I really think Logan is challenging every cause and effect scenario with heart conditions. The doctors keep telling us that with his anatomy we should be seeing “X.” Well, we aren’t seeing “X.” Logan is progressing rather than regressing. Is there something we are missing or is he just one tough kiddo? I have always said he was going to be my little miracle baby- maybe that is the case! Whatever the reason, Logan is really good at stumping the doctors.

If you know Brad, you know that he researches the heck out of EVERYTHING. If he is going to buy something he will research it forever before making a decision. Logan’s heart condition is no different. Brad has probably read more about it than his doctors (okay that might be pushing it a little), but he has read a lot. Brad had questions today for the doctor that the doctor hadn’t even thought about. I left the appointment glad that everything seemed well, but still a little uneasy that they can’t explain why Logan’s pressure gradient across his band can be at a 95 and his oxygen saturation levels are climbing not dropping- like every other PA band case. Any heart mom would jump for joy at the news that her baby’s saturation levels were at 98, but it is alarming that the pressure is so high across the band. When you touch Logan’s chest it literally feels like his heart is going to beat out of his chest. Yesterday Tanner was playing with Logan on my bed and he had his hand on Logan’s chest. I watched him look Logan over with a puzzled expression and he says to me, “Mom, Logan’s heart tells me it is broken.” Even Tanner can feel the pressure in there.

So I don’t know if I should feel elated today that my baby is growing so well and really showing no signs of heart failure, or if I should be concerned. Either way this is definitely a rollercoaster and we are holding on for whatever the ride may be.