A Heavy but Thankful Heart

I don't know how else to describe how I've felt the last few days except just that- a heavy, yet thankful heart. I've noticed on a lot of friends blogs lately there seems to be a common theme of "perspective". How do we keep perspective and live in the moment? How do we get past the stress and chaos of life with little kids and learn to enjoy each stage and the time we have with them? I know you can't always live in fear of tomorrow being the end, but what if it was?
A childhood friend lost her little 5 year old girl this week to a rare brainstem tumor. They had a short 10 1/2 months from when she was diagnosed until she passed away. My heart aches for them. I can't even imagine how they are feeling and what they are going through. Yet, it makes me thankful for my two healthy kids that are fast asleep in their beds tonight.
I was getting Ashlyn ready for bed tonight and I told her she could pick out three books we could read. She picked the books, "Guess How Much I Love You" and "I'll Love You Forever". Talk about a tug at the heart strings. I wanted to somehow take a snapshot of the moment so I could remember it forever. She snuggled up right next to me and everytime I would read the part in the book that says,
"I'll love you Forever
I'll like you for Always
As long as I'm living
My baby you'll be."
She would say it along with me and then look at me and smile. How grateful I am to have these moments with my kids, and how grateful I am to be a mother- to be able to love and be loved so much.
Also this week an instructor I teach with at the gym lost her husband very unexpectedly. He was healthy last week and then came down with symptoms of the flu on Thursday and passed away Monday night- so tragic. I think one of my greatest fears in life is loosing Brad or one of my kids. This weighed so heavy on my mind/heart as I heard the news yesterday I couldn't stop thinking about it. I don't think you are every really "prepared" for something that tragic, but again it comes back to the beginning. What is my perspective/priorities in life? Am I living each day to its fullest and making sure those I love know I love them? Or am I just going through the motions of my every day sometimes mundane life? I really hope I can try harder to show Brad how much I love him, and listen to the needs of my kids and spend quality time with them because I really do love them so much.

Easter Sunday

We hope everyone had a great Easter. Ashlyn was really excited the Easter Bunny came to her house, but was a little confused that he hid her eggs inside rather than outside like last year. She was really cute looking for her eggs and about every third egg she would find she would give it to Tanner. Tanner didn't really care to look for the eggs, he just wanted them open so he could eat what was inside!
After church I was asking Ashlyn if she learned about Jesus and why we have Easter. Her answer was, "Yes, we have Easter because Jesus wants the Easter Bunny to come to our house." I think we'll have to work on that. Ashlyn was also spotlighted in Primary today for something she did this week to Choose the Right. She asked us this week completely out the blue if she could have her own set of scriptures to take to Primary. It was really cute how she asked and it showed us how much she looks to others as an example of what to do. She has noticed the older kids bringing their scriptures to primary and she knew mom and dad had their own scriptures. She woke up Sunday morning and said, "I get to take my new scriptures to Primary." She is such a great kid.

Ashlyn in her new dress. (She had her shoes off and was running around before we could even get in the door from church)

Tanner's Birthday (Take 2)

We had Brad's family over for our traditional 4th Sunday dinner so we celebrated Tanner's Birthday (again) along with Leigh's Birthday and Easter. It worked out great to do this again because Tanner was feeling much better this time and enjoyed himself so much more. He loved the cake this time and actually ate it. He also loved all the new toys he got. Thanks everyone.

A visit to the Doctor

Tanner had his one year check up today with the Doctor. It came at an opportune time because this yucky cold he's had since Tuesday is actually double ear infections. Poor little guy! I'm bracing myself for a rough day because he also got his immunizations, and on top of that I'm getting my upstairs carpets cleaned today so we are trapped downstairs! Wow!
Other than ear infections Tanner is a healthy kid. He weighed 22 lbs 6 oz. (50th percentile) and was 31 inches tall (90th percentile).

Happy Birthday Tanner

As I was up at 3a.m. with Tanner last night (he has a yucky cold) I started thinking about what I was doing at 3a.m. a year ago... hmmm I was in labor. He had me up in the middle of the night then and a year later I'm still up in the middle of the night with him! Really I had the ideal labor/delivery with Tanner. I was scheduled for an induction March 19 at 6a.m. and I went into labor on my own the night before. I remember laying in bed and timing my contractions starting about 3a.m. and by the time my mom got to our house (already planned for the induction) at 5:30a.m. it was perfect timing to get to the hospital. We showed up at the hospital and they were ready and waiting for us and my contractions were 4 min. apart. The rest was smooth sailing (other than the anisethiologist was called into an emergency c-section right before he got to my room so I had to wait almost 2 hours for my epidural after my water broke). Tanner was born at 1:52 pm. He weighed 7 lbs 7 oz and was 20 inches long- and well, he hasn't stopped growing since he made his presence into the world! I just can't imagine life without this little guy. I completely adore him and am so greatful he is part of our family.

He wasn't feeling wonderful today so we hung out around home making sure he got his naps in. Then we had Grandma and Grandpa Wells over for dinner and cake and ice cream. Our dinner was completely catered to Tanner's liking; hotdogs, pineapple, chips (of coarse the kind that dissolve in your mouth).
Tanner loves the little "turkey franks." And I feel okay feeding them to my kids because they're not some mystery meat cheap hotdog and they are low in fat and calories (Tanner is really worried about that)!
So the cupcakes were kind of a disaster. Tanner goes to bed by 7p.m. every night so about 6:30 he starts his melt down phase. We didn't start eating dinner until 6:20 so by the time it got to birthday cake he wanted nothing to do with it. We gave him his cupcake and he just smashed it and smeared it all over his tray. He didn't even taste one bite! What a nut!
"Mom, get me out of here and just let me go to bed!"
Another toy that makes noise...yeah!

Grandma and Grandpa gave him this cute chevron car- he loved it. He was crawling all around driving it. He also got some fun books and stuffed animal.

Happy Birthday Big Guy!

My mom thinks of EVERYTHING! She knew Ashlyn would have a hard time with Tanner getting all the attention and presents so she even had a gift for Ashlyn... Dora Books. She was thrilled. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

A glimpse of our day....Ashlyn weighs a whole 8 lbs more than Tanner, yet she thinks she can carry him.
My beautiful girl before she found her makeup!
Why she thinks she needs to look like clown when she puts makeup on I'll never know. Makes me wonder what she thinks I look like after I put my makeup on because she always says, "Mom, I need to put my makeup on like you so I can look pretty!"
Tanner got into all kinds of trouble today. He loves to get into the oven drawer because the cookie sheets are really loud when he pounds on them and bangs them on the floor! He also figured out how to get into the pantry today and dump out the Vanilla Wafers to get his own snack. I don't know what I'm going to do with this kid!

Zoo Day

For some crazy reason my friend Carly and I thought we could trust the weather man's promise of a "high" 50 degree day on Thursday so we headed out to the zoo. It ended up being a little cold, but was still a lot of fun. The animals were active (both the ones in the cage and the ones we call our children)!

I had to laugh as I was putting the pictures together because cute little Tanner hardly left the comfort of the wagon. As you can see he thought the zoo was a pretty exciting place (Ex: the big yawn) All he cared about was that I kept the snacks coming. He had his first taste of fruit snacks and that is all he would eat the entire afternoon!Ashlyn had fun running around with her friends Grace and Olivia (yes, that is a leash on Olivia- we didn't loose her for the first time in a public place!) And Carly and I tried really hard to keep a handle on all the kids! Great Day!

Tanner's First Haircut

Brad has been bugging me for the last two months to get Tanner's hair cut. I kept putting it off because I've always had some crazy idea that you shouldn't cut your babies hair until they're a year old... why? Good question, I have no idea! Tanner turns 1 next week so after a few people made comments about his long hair Sunday I decided it was finally time to cut it. For family night we took the boys to get their hair cut. Look how long his hair was just on the side!
He did not like the lady touching him. Everytime she would try to cut he would shove her arm away. He was cracking us up!
After he threw about 4 combs at the lady and Brad held him down his hair looked decent enough to stop! He was glad to be done, and I'm glad we cut it! I just think he is one cute kid!

Parenting 101- The Value of Positive Reinforcement

I learned a lot about myself and parenting this week. From previous posts you all know Ashlyn has been quite a challenge lately. I'm happy to report this week has been great. I took up my mom's challenge to find positive things about her, and I started reinforcing positive behavior. We have a simple chart on the fridge and every time I catch her doing something good or she obeys the first time I ask her to do something she gets to put a sticker on her chart, when the chart is full we take it to the dollar store and she gets to pick a toy. It has worked wonders. Her favorite phrase this week is, "of coarse I can mom!" What a change in our house.

I also had to teach my first YW lesson today on Family Unity... how ironic! It really hit home to me on how important my stewardship as a mother is. I realized how much my attitude and how I acted affected Ashlyn and her attitude. When I'm short with her and impatient she acts the same way. I loved this quote in one of the articles I read because it reminded me that I'm not here just to tell my kids what to do, but to show them love and teach by example.

President Thomas S. Monson reminds us: “The mantle of leadership is not the cloak of comfort, but the role of responsibility. … ‘Youth needs fewer critics and more models to follow.’ One hundred years from now it will not matter what kind of a car we drove, what kind of a house we lived in, how much we had in the bank account, nor what our clothes looked like. But the world may be a little better because we were important in the life of a boy or a girl” (Pathways to Perfection [1973], 131).
I just hope my kids will always know how much I love them!

I couldn't have a post without a picture! My little animals after bath night.

ASHLYN

When I'm getting ready in the morning I usually send Ashlyn downstairs to watch a movie so she's not bugging me the entire time. Friday as I was getting ready to send her downstairs I changed my mind and asked if she'd like to do makeup with me. She looked at me for a minute like "are you serious," and then her face just lit up with excitement. So we headed into the bathroom to do our makeup together. It was hard not to try and control what she did (as you can see she thought the more the better) but I just let her go for it. It was actually a lot of fun, and we seemed to have a better day together. She really is a great kid!